bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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