I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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