After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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