Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
