I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
