only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
