no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
