Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
