I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
