My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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