hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
