Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
