You just made me feel so damn special
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
