Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
