Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
