Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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