just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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