Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
