Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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