The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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