that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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