my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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