She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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