I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
