I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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