Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
