it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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