guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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