i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
