I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
