i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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