i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize