Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
