I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
