lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
