my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
