She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
