I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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