i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
