Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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