Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
