Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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