I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
