I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
