They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
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I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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