Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
