okay pat passed out under dana's car
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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