Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
