I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
