On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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