New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
