??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
