Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
