I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
