You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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