The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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