I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
