no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
