didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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