sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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