She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dignity is for republicans.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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