i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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