I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
