Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
