I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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