Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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