He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
