What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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