Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
