I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
