So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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