is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
