I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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