I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
