the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Success! We fucked roommates!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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