My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize