Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
