So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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